Just Swamped.
Syd started school. He loves it, except for one thing - he misses his Mommy and Daddy terribly. However, his teacher adores the fact that he is still a baby in some ways and wants to be rocked before nap time.
Steve is (hopefully) nearly done with his stint helping out by covering a 2nd shift supervisory role. It was guaranteed to be short-lived - in writing at 6 months tops. And it was quite wonderful during the summer. He got to go to the park with us, to the movies, to music class, etc. But once school started, it got hard. Really hard. On the days I drive Syd to school, Daddy doesn't see him at all. The only reason I drive him sometimes is so Steve can sleep, but it is terribly difficult to bear because Syd feels the absence profusely. We're optimistic that Steve will return earlier than expected to 1st shift, and then I'll drive in the morning, and Daddy will pick him up in the afternoon. Then I will get to stay just a few minutes longer in the afternoon and get whatever manages to get done done.
In that sense, I've been quite successful in maintaining my balance. I haven't had much choice. I don't do work at home. I need to. But I don't. And the kicker is, I don't feel guilty about it. Yet. I hope I never do. When I get home, I have to maintain my focus on my maternal hat. I have to leave my teacher hat at school, put on the Mommy hat in the car, and get baby boy, get dinner, make lunches and set up coffee for the next morning. I have to do what millions of parents do just to make sure we get out of the house on time and without forgetting anything. There is nothing special in what I do except for the mere fact that I've struggled with balance and guilt for three years, now, and I somehow managed to just kick it out the door. It is so liberating to not feel that weight. Now, if only I could manage to get a run in at 5:30 in the morning.. then my life would be fully balanced.
It's been a good past few weeks. But I am looking to the future now for several specific things: 1. It is nearly Syd's birthday. I can't believe my baby boy is going to be 3 years old. We've decided to do a very small family event on his birthday and wait a little longer to have his friends over, etc. 2. This unbelievably hot summer is nearly over, and pumpkins are already showing up in the stores. I love the fall. I love it so much and I wish it were the longer of the seasons. But it never fails, at least not here, that it seems we go straight from summer to winter. Nevertheless, I am exceedingly excited that we're at the doorstep of fall because, as sharp as Syd's memory is, we know he will definitely remember what happens starting this year. I can't wait for chasing falling leaves, and carving pumpkins, and hay rides, and cider, and Halloween and football and going for neighborhood walks again when it finally gets cool enough. I love it and I look forward to making those memories with my boys.
What memories are you looking forward to?
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