I believe a game we will all be playing this year is 'duck, duck, goose.' Or rather, to paraphrase Gene Hackman's character in The Replacements, who, out of all of us, can best hide the fact that we're all just a bunch of ducks on a pond? Our faces may seem passive, exuding insouciance, when in fact, our feet are paddling as though our lives depended on it. Break the surface of the water and you'll see just how frantic we are.
Ah. Life. At what point do we stop, really stop, take a step back, and appreciate the fact that we're stressing over things that are huge, but still minuscule in comparison to some. Yes, I can sit here and list everything that's got me paddling. I can harp on it incessantly and use it as a means by which to think I can't take any more. But in the end, that's not who I am and I won't enjoy anything. I am the type of person who loves to enjoy life. I like noticing the clarity of the sky, now that the summer's end is near and the humidity is finally gone (one reason why Autumn is my favorite). I enjoy walking down the hall and (shut it, Rafe!) having the kids call out to me and tell me how their day, their year is going and how much they miss me, though that Mr. Telsch isn't really that bad. I adore how I come home and my son, who is now walking quite well, still crawls over to the stairs, peers down through the baby gate at the top, and cracks his face into the biggest grin you can imagine, just because Mommy is home.
I try. Those who know me know I do. I try to remain positive so I don't end up harping, so I don't bring others down, and so I find the strength to persevere. And wonders of wonders, it works. Just like when you're scared senseless of standing up on front of a classroom because you don't feel confident you know the material, and you smile and fake it, and it works. Faking a positive attitude is the same thing. If you fake it long enough, you start to live it. That's the whole premise behind self-fulfilling prophesies. If you tell yourself it's too much, it will be. If you tell yourself that it's hard but you can do it, you can. Just writing this last paragraph has given me new vigor for tomorrow and the newest tribulations I must face that piled on this evening. But you know what? I will go in tomorrow, apologize profusely to my seniors for STILL not having their first timed writing graded, and go into a fantastic dialogue on the most recent short story. And it will all work out. Besides, Sydney's first birthday is soon here, and I can't wait to spend the days with him this weekend.
Speaking of, here are the most recent pics we've taken. My apologies for the delay in posting them. Haven't videotaped him walking yet, but I will this weekend and hope to publish that soon, too...
Sydney plays with Daddy early one morning.
He commandeered my headband. What fun to chew on something so bendy!
Grr! We love this game! We scowl, holding it until one of us breaks into a huge grin.
Sydney's 11 mos. picture.