Moments of Clarity

So, I drank a cup of coffee at 6 pm this evening. Never, previous to having a child, would I have done that unless I was driving straight through to visit family in Kentucky or Wisconsin. My intention was more basic - I was going to attempt, and knowingly fail, to catch up on grading. I haven't truly graded anything since midpoint, and the end of the quarter is in 1 1/2 weeks, and I have to go out of town this weekend for a conference. So, I thought I'd try to find a moment of zen, a moment of clarity, a moment of grace where I could focus on my students enough to assign a value to the work I've put in in planning, and the work they've handed in over the past two weeks.

And then life hit. You know - life. Sydney didn't nap today, unbeknownst to me as I lugged my bag stuffed with papers, tests, bell ringers, to my car and in to the house. I even saw Rafe on my way out - he commented on my being loaded down, and I gave a sigh and told him to ask me tomorrow how much of it I actually touched. But I digress - Life.

Sydney didn't nap, so within 2 minutes of sitting down with him to nurse after school, he was out, and out for over an hour. Now, granted, I napped, too...but he doesn't usually go out for that amount of time.

And then he wouldn't settle down after he woke up. He didn't want to go to bed so I finally left him to cry it out - took a tremendous total of 5 minutes before he was snoring along with his crib aquarium that my Dad got him for Christmas last year. We don't use it often anymore, but it worked this evening.

So, I go into the kitchen to pull out my grading, and realize I haven't had a chance to prepare for the next day - dishes, bottles, and heaven forbid I forget to set up the coffee-maker.

Moments of Zen do hit, but these days they are too few, and too far in between. But when they do, the skies open, the sun's rays shine down, and I feel as though I have a boys' choir following me around singing Ode to Joy. I am hoping the coffee I drank at 6 will last a little longer, but I've gotten so accustomed to caffeine that I fear it won't have much of an effect. Perhaps its time to show a movie in class...