Thursday, May 6, 2010

Dreams Deferred

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore - -
and then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over - -
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?
-Langston Hughes

Poignant poem, this is. What happens to a dream deferred - a dream withheld until "later"? What dreams do you have? Please, share them with me.

When I was a child and imagining what I would do when I grew up, I had a list of 4 choices for an occupation. I wanted to be a model. Yeah - that's going to happen...all 5 foot 4 of my previously-but-still-retaining-a-touch-of tomboy personage. I'd rather be wearing jeans and going barefoot.

I thought about being an oceanographer (I think I actually meant a marine biologist, but I was too young to know the difference...). But I am by no means the best swimmer, and my inability to move well under water leaves me in a slight panic at times. Besides, my childhood brush with suffocation and my teenage sinus surgery that rendered me incapable of holding my breath under water without having it go up my nose ended that idea.

I considered being a caterer. there's an idea...I love to cook. Made snickerdoodle cookies this week for my juniors who ALL passed the writing SOL!! Yum. I still wonder if, after I retire from teaching, opening a cafe would be a fun way to live out my life. But I know nothing about the restaurant business, so we'll just see where that goes in 30 years...

Last, I thought I'd be a teacher. Yep. Even as a child I knew I had a passion for teaching. I think I am a good teacher. I know I still have a lot to learn, but I would like to think I have a positive impact on my students and that they do, in spite of themselves, or me, actually learn something from me.

But my priorities are shifting. I am curious and envious of my friends who choose and are able to be stay-at-home parents. Curious as to how they make it work financially, and envious of the time they get to spend at home with their child/ren. My newest dream is that one of us (preferably me) become a stay-at-home parent. That is simply not something feasible for us in the near future. Perhaps down the road some...

But in the meantime, I must come as close to my new dreams as possible. In the meantime, with the next set of SOLs looming, the absolute need to catch up on grading from when I was in Kentucky, and the basic end-of-the-school-year rush, my thoughts, instead, are turned to what activities Sydney and I will enjoy this summer, when I am a temporary stay-at-home.

I purchased a kiddie pool that has a shade to protect young skin. I have baby floatees, too. I plan to visit the library to find out their schedule for summer reading events. I am trying to determine my schedule so we can plan out play dates and take trips to an ever increasing list of places: the zoo, the parks in the area, festivals that will be taking place, etc. I sort of have a garden, though it needs a lot of work and young fingers to play in the dirt. I can't wait to spend more time with him so I can encourage his development, revel in his discoveries, and obtain as many baby kisses as is possible. I have a feeling I'm going to need to stock up...create a mental savings account...before next year.

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