My freshmen year of college, I took a public speaking class. My instructor slowly introduced us to the horrifying world of speaking in front of a large group of strangers by giving us smaller assignments. One of the assignments really stuck with me - it was more an introductory assignment, a 'getting to know you' bit. We were supposed to bring in the object that impacted our lives the most.
I wracked my brain for a week. I had the stuffed animal from the boy I was dating. I had the sweater I'd had for YEARS. I had knick-knacks, cds...think of the typical college dorm. But I couldn't decide which item most impacted my life. I came up with an idea. It wasn't what she wanted, but I hoped it would work for my assignment.
I borrowed a crystal necklace from a dorm-mate. The day of my presentation, I stood up, nervous and terrified that I'd fail the assignment. I held up the necklace, explained that it wasn't even mine, and then told the class that the reason I borrowed the necklace was that, like the crystal, I was multi-faceted, and could not be boiled down in to one item, one explanation for who I was. I had as many, if not more, facets to me, to my personality, than could possibly be expounded on in the time allotted for me.
I did well on the assignment.
My point to this story is to explain that we all have more to us than 99% of the world sees at one sitting. The only people who can get a better picture (widescreen, anyone?) are those we are in very close contact with on a consistent basis - spouses, child-hood friends, perhaps a co-worker who shares the cubicle next to you. Other than that, anyone you see only in passing will never know everything you are experiencing or handling (attempting to handle?) daily. The worries, concerns, excitements, plans, ideas, contemplations are lost on them.
And, I have a point to this, as well. In my recent life, I've been truly trying to hold true to my Panglossian pledge. I've been slipping, though. Stress, exhaustion, life in general (SOLs are next month, my father is still recuperating, Sydney's teething has YET to result in a tooth, and much more...), has caused me to slide and return to behavior of which I am not proud, including judging others in retaliation for feeling like I've lost control of my life (see above list).
I want to apologize to anyone I've judged. If you feel I have behaved so, I am sorry. I am in no place to judge others, especially when I know so little about what is occurring in your life. I have my plate full, and would rather focus on my meals and be there to support you when you need it than put up the defensive and judge. I don't enjoy the feeling it give me, often as though I've disconnected with my body - just sit there floating above myself telling myself to stop without the ability to actually voice it. Ugh. No thank you. That's not who I am. Please forgive me.
On another note, Sydney has been going through a growth spurt this week. I've been concerned about him because, though he rolled from his back to his tummy quite a while ago (5 months? I'd have to check...), he still had not rolled from his tummy to his back; and he HATES being on his tummy. Perhaps that is why - he would get too frustrated to really work on pushing up or rolling and instead would sit there and scream. Well, in addition to eating nearly twice as much at dinner all week, he has hit so many milestones recently.
He awoke one night this week. I turned on some music for him and he fussed, but eventually went back to sleep. So, we didn't check on him again until we went to bed. As you can see, one reason why he was fussing was that he was on his stomach. But this is the first time he'd actually fallen back to sleep while on his stomach. He also has begun to imitate us when we play with him (I tickle his face with my hair, shaking my head back and forth, and he giggles before shaking his head). He took his first 'big boy bath,' not even hesitating at being in the full tub before playing with his toys. And this morning, he was fussing a bit when he woke up. I went in to get him and he was on his stomach, again, legs sticking out through the slats in his crib. I said hello and turned my back to turn off his monitor and when I turned around, he was on his back! It's just like learning his consonants...like someone flipped a switch and he does it. He rolled over several times today while playing, too! He's going to be crawling before we're ready...